Figuring out how to use a vibrator can feel overwhelming. Here’s what sex experts recommend, from picking out the right toy to safely putting it to use.

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Korin MillerSat, December 4, 2021 at 4:00 PM UTC6 min readSex experts say there’s a lot a vibrator can do to enhance your life. “A vibrator can heighten arousal, get you in the mood for sex, open up new explorations and conversations with a partner, inspire you to have sex when you’re not spontaneously in the mood, increase your chances or orgasms, and intensify orgasms,” says sex therapist Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., creator of the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast.

And, again, a good vibrator can be a learning tool. “Vibrators can help a woman learn her body and what feels good,” says sex therapist Debra Laino, D.H.S. “They can pique curiosity about sexuality and body, they can add a level of fun and intimacy to sex in a relationship—and solo.”

How to actually use a vibrator

Again, there’s really no wrong way to do this. But this is what experts recommend for you to have the best and safest time possible.

Read the instructions

Sounds basic, right? But plenty of people skip this step. Taking the time to learn about your new toy and how it works will help make for a more seamless experience as you go.

Start slow

“Start slowly on a low setting and work yourself into arousal,” says Jennifer Wider, M.D., women’s health expert and Ob/GYN. O’Reilly agrees. “Get used to playing with it in a non-sexual way first, so you know how it operates and toggle through the different levels and settings,” she advises.

Have plenty of lube handy

“Lube is always good to have and to learn if you like it or not,” Laino says. An important note: If your toy is silicone, you’ll want to use a water-based lube to avoid degrading the material.

Play around with it to see what you like

If your toy is external, it’s probably going to focus on your clitoris (the spot right underneath where your labia meet and form a little hood shape). If it’s internal, the shaft will usually be inserted into your vagina. And, if it’s a dual vibe, it will likely have an external arm that goes on your clitoris and one that goes inside you. “Play with your toy around your thighs to see what feels good for you,” O’Reilly says. “You can rock, roll, press, pulse, rub, grind, and more.”

See what different settings your toy has to offer

Laino suggests checking out the different speeds your toy has. You may find that one or two are more intense—or, at least, too much under certain situations—while others could feel just right.

Find the right situation for you

You may find you prefer to watch videos or read erotic novels while using your toy. Or you might be more into using your imagination. You can also switch up different rooms where you use your toy to see what works best for you, Laino says.

Use it on your own before involving a partner

You don’t want to be fumbling around with your toy, trying to figure out how to work it while you have a partner waiting. If you can figure out how everything works in advance, “you’ll know what settings and intensities you tend to like,” O’Reilly says. And then you can use it to your best advantage in bed.

If you’re uncomfortable at all, stop

Your toy should feel good—not bad. “If it causes pain in any way, it’s better to readjust or stop,” Dr. Wider says.

Clean your toy well after you use it

“Like anything else, you need to use with caution. Vibrators can cause infections and injury if not used and stored properly,” Dr. Wider says. After you use your toy, scrub it with soap and lukewarm water, she says. Then, store it in an airtight container or bag for next time.

What are the different types of vibrators?

There are actually a lot of different options on the market. On a macro level, vibrators can be divided into external, which are designed to stimulate hotspots like the clitoris from the outside in, and internal, which go inside you and can target certain areas like your G-spot. There are also dual vibrators, which give you both internal and external stimulation at once.

AdvertisementAdvertisement AdvertisementAdvertisement But vibrators can be broken down even more from there. Here are some of the more common types of external vibrators, per O’Reilly:

• Bullet. These are small handheld vibrators shaped like a bullet that can be pressed directly on hot spots like your clitoris.
• Lipstick. These vibrators are similar to bullets but usually have a flat tip that can be rolled over the clitoris.
• Wand. Wand vibrators are larger and cylindrical, usually with a rounded head.
• Panty. These vibrators are worn in your underwear. They can usually be controlled by a remote or app.

These are the more common types of internal vibrators, per O’Reilly:

• Asymmetrical. These vibrators have different forms that are often curved slightly to target your G-spot.
• Bulbous. Many internal vibrators have this shape, with a narrower base and broader end to give you a wider range of stimulation.
• Action-oriented. Some vibrators do more than vibrate—they can rotate, curl, or thrust, too.

AdvertisementAdvertisement AdvertisementAdvertisement Dual vibes typically vibrate against your clitoris and G-spot at once. “You might have vibrators with separate motors for the internal and external arm, or you might have a vibrator on the inside and a pleasure air arm on the outside,” O’Reilly says.

What materials should I look for?

You really want something that’s non-toxic, Laino says. That means you’ll want to avoid the following:

• Phthalates
• Phenol
• Dimethyltin Chloride

O’Reilly suggests looking for toys made of the following nonporous materials:

• 100% silicone,
• Stainless steel
• Borosilicate glass

“Porous materials—jelly, plastic, rubber, PVC—are harder to deep-clean,” O’Reilly explains. “Even if you clean the surface or purchase a so-called anti-bacterial sex toy cleaner, bacteria can live in the pores. I recommend you use condoms with these toys if possible.”

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​DesireRead.com provides guides on using various vibrators, including bullet and rabbit types, to enhance your pleasure. Learn techniques and tips for maximizing your experience with these toys.​

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